27/11/2016 1 Comment "I could never homeschool"Homeschooling was always something other, more intelligent, braver people did. People who had money, who had a husband to support them, people who had stronger values and determination than I. It was always something I thought was fantastic and really impressive for those who were doing it, but would say to them "Wow! It's really great what you're doing for your kids. I could never homeschool. I don't have what it takes".
And then...over time... I had no other choice. From the moment we found out about the medical condition Wilby has (Ehlers Danlos Syndrome) homeschooling had always been on the cards. However, as a single mum already starved for 'me time' the thought of giving up any more of my precious sanity was sickening. I wasn't ready to sacrifice my days of peace and quiet for the constant bombardment of demands, noise, movement and a serious lack of personal space and time. I resisted.... and resisted. From the moment Wilby started prep it was clear there would be daily problems. Julie, my sister, would raise the homeschool subject every 6 months or so when I was struggling with trying to explain to teachers that Wilby suffered with fatigue and pain and that his 'academic progress' was a very distant second to his health and happiness. The teachers didn't get it. Julie would listen to my lamenting and sobbing and then say "You have to homeschool". I would get angry with her... she wasn't the one who was going to have to do all the work! My answer was always "NO. There is NO WAY I could homeschool". By the time we got Wilby to grade 2 I was coming around to the idea and the resistance to Julie's suggestion was more of a "Yes, okay. I see homeschooling is going to be necessary by the time Wilby is starting homeschool. But I'm not ready. I can't do it yet". Fast forward... Wilby is turning 9 next week. Maya is 7 and a half. They've had a hell of a year with 4 house moves due to a shortage of housing on the Sunny Coast. They started a new school and for the first time we had to deal with bullying and even greater teacher pressure to 'perform' and ridiculous homework requirements for children so young. Even with my firm reiterations that my children were not to do homework, they were still made to feel wrong or guilty for not doing it. Even after the third bullying incident - Wilby had already been punched in the guts a couple of times in first term - they were subject to daily bullying, fear, anxiety and teachers who appeared to be marginally less mean than the kids who were causing the problem. Now... both their health was declining badly. I had a daily battle to get them to school. Wilby's fatigue, pain and neurological complaints was increasing. I was used to Wilby's health challenges, but I was also noticing my usually bouncy, cheerful girl start to display daily nausea and abdominal pain, excessive fatigue and brain fog, dietary sensitivities. Maya was disappearing inside herself and was obviously in a world of pain. I couldn't find anything to put in their lunchboxes because they were suddenly sensitive to EVERYTHING. I was spending around $300 a month just on treatments for them and me to manage our stress and physical decline and to stay afloat, and buying $8 loaves of bread to be able to feed them - and yet the lunches went untouched or caused tummy pain. I couldn't give them the homoeopathics they needed whilst at school because I couldn't be certain they'd remember to take them and if I told the teachers, whether they would remember to give the medicines to the kids. I couldn't control ANYTHING anymore. Nothing was working. No matter what changes I made at home, no matter how often I visited school to discuss making changes there, no matter what they ate, or what medicines I had... we were all on a very slippery downward slide. Fear for my children's health and emotional wellbeing became an overwhelming and all consuming daily battle. I was lying on the massage table having a healing to try and decompress. I was crying to my therapist about how I felt like I was sending my children to a prison camp and that the stress of sending them was now outweighing the stress of having them home 24/7. My previous thoughts about homeschooling shifted suddenly into... "I have to get them out of there" and "HOW can I find inside myself what it takes to homeschool my kids". It was time for me to bite the bullet. I could no longer take my kids into a state school. The cogs of life turned and clicked loudly into place that day, a resounding clang that rattled my heart to the core, and I realised in a split second I had to get them out. I had to bite the bullet. I could no longer take my kids into a state school. With two weeks of Term 3, 2016 to go, I rang the school and advised I'd be collecting the kids early. The next day I rang them again to advise they would not be returning to the school again... EVER. In hindsight I can see now that I'd been working up to the decision in my mind for years. Every day since then I still have reservations about whether I can deal with the amount of work it takes to school them outside the system, and I'm still very unsure how to maintain my own work and sanity at the same time with no 'backup personnel' in place. However, the issues have shifted - it's no longer "I can't homeschool...I don't have it in me" to "I can't send them to school... how can I find a way to do it with what I have within me". My family have rallied. The support I thought I didn't have, appeared. My friends are congratulating me on making the shift... saying "It's amazing what you're doing...I could never homeschool. I don't have what it takes". I have reached out to the homeschool networks on facebook and in my local area and have discovered that I am not even close to being alone in this. There are amazing people all over the place who are doing it, and doing it well. They have advice, empathy and support to share as well as a massive knowledge base upon which we are starting to draw. I've also discovered that I have a lot to offer the wider group too! Our world has changed RADICALLY in the past 3 months. Maya and Wilby's health is dramatically improved Maya's tummy pains are all but gone, she is no longer experiencing fatigue and nausea, food sensitivies are mostly resolved and her appetite is completely restored. She spends her new found hours of time doing her first love and indulging her gift for art. She loves exploring the natural world and learns about it in person, experientially. She is laughing again and enjoying the extra time and connection with family. Wilby now works at his pace and in his own time, learning about things he is passionate and excited about. I'm noticing he has a lightening fast intellect. He is still struggling with overcoming the mental pressure to perform in someone else's time frame with someone else's value systems, but we're making progress there. It takes time to undo the behavioural patterning and unconscious mindset that was built up at school. Our journey is away... it's a work in progress... We are rediscovering our joy, each other and sculpting our lives on purpose... Together.
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