14/12/2016 0 Comments getting over guiltSo far we've done nothing today. I feel the guilt of it. Well actually that's not entirely true. I've posted a blog or two, organised two workshops on Mindfulness and EFT Tapping for KIDS, made breakfast, made lunch, organised activities for the kids. Actually, I've done lots. But my mind is telling me I should be doing something different... something more... that it's not enough. I feel it in my bones... the dreaded 'G' word... GUILT What a pervasive, subversive, evil word it is. It presumes again and again that we are not enough... see my last blog on perfection! Seems like this is the next belief system I need to crack wide open and sweep out of my life. These deep seated beliefs seem to come up in waves... they're like the pressure of an almighty 'underground pimple' that builds and swells and causes your entire face to wince in pain at the slightest touch. Eventually, the pressure is unbearable and we squeeze it to get some relief... POP! SPLAT... YUCK!!! It's messy and ugly and the scars take a little bit to heal... but ahhhhhhh... THE RELIEF and SATISFACTION!!! Guilt is my pimple! It's getting unbarable and I've got to get over it. It's forcing itself upon me, gathering momentum, getting hotter and redder and appearing on the face of my life in such a way that I cannot help but look in the mirror and deal with it. My kids are showing me where my greatest healing can take place. There is nothing wrong in our world, and yet, guilt is trying with all it's might to take hold of me and seize my sanity. We haven't taken bold and dramatic action today. The kids haven't participated in any structured or organised learning. I am grappling with the old paradigm that says if I don't provide learning as a 'teacher' then they don't learn anything.... this idea is SO MISGUIDED, a seriously old and out-moded belief pattern that infects society as a whole. When I shift my perspective I can see the creativity bloom in our down days. Maya made her own Christmas wrapping paper using butchers paper and coloured textas and made the most awesome spiral shapes on it. Wilby has rested his body and mind and is following his internal prompts, learning how to be and heal. And me? In these glorious, peaceful and settled 'down days', these introverted, quiet days, I get some blessed relief from having to do do do, and rather get to explore me and just be be be... following my own flow, letting the kids follow theirs without striving and forcing life to be other than what it is right now. I am aware that to alleviate guilt, I must be accepting of today as it is, in spite of all the should'vs, and would'vs, and cant's running though my mind. I can see the guilt... I am aware of it and I can watch those thoughts. I can choose to just let them float by the movie screen of my mind knowing that those are merely old programming or the collective consciousness. I can let them drift past me and I can choose not to buy into the guilt, to not attach. I can choose to allow that mind chatter to be exactly as it is, whilst finding gratitude in what is happening right now... I can even know that is okay to have both guilt and gratitude to choose from in the same head space! Gratitude is the antidote to Guilt. So today I choose to give up guilt and be grateful for the closed blinds, the little pup sleeping beside me as I type, the space for writing and feeling and contemplation, the friends who call out of the blue, the time I have to chat with them, the ability to preparing nutritious food for the kids because life is slow enough for that... and that I'm still in my pjs at 1pm in the afternoon!!!
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